


Bait

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 03:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10350954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: Summary: The greatest SG-1 fanfic contest ever!Challenge: January WaM, the word is BAIT.  Humor, sillyness.Notes: mentions adult theme, but no description.  Only one reference





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Stargate SG-1 | Gen Fanfiction | Bait

 

 

 

 

 

**CATEGORY: WaM challenge January, the word is BAIT. Humor, sillyness.**

General Hammond glanced at the four members of his first off-world exploration team around the table. The decision they had made was a serious one and he had to make sure they all stood one hundred percent behind it. 

"Okay, people, are we sure about this?" 

The four people nodded in agreement. The two offices confirmed their statement with a firm, "Yes, Sir." 

"All right," Hammond summed up, "Major, please take care of the announcement on the Internet. The deadline will be the first of March; that gives them five weeks. That should be enough." 

Major Carter grabbed her papers together. "Yes, Sir. I'll make sure the announcement appears in several places; on the discussion lists in E-groups, some message forums, and bulletin boards. The fans will take care of the rest, Sir. They have a whole network out there which allows the news to travel fast." 

"This is going to be SO much fun," Colonel O'Neill added with an evil grin. 

Daniel moaned softly. "I wonder how many bones I'll break this time." 

"Do not worry, Daniel Jackson. I will assist you if the need arises," Teal'c added with an amused frown. 

"People, this briefing is over. Get back to work." With that statement, the General stood and left the room, leaving the team to finish up. 

><><><><><><><><><

That night, the following message appeared on the Internet, in several places, accessible to every Stargate fan around the world. 

THE GREATEST SG-1 FANFIC CONTEST EVER. 

Stargate Command, Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado, is happy to announce the greatest SG-1 fanfic contest ever presented on the world wide web. Your goal is to write a story about SG-1, gating to PDQ-911. 

This is your challenge. 

1\. either Daniel Jackson or Colonel O'Neill has to get injured; 

2\. the DHD is not working; 

3\. Major Carter has to relive some of Jolinar's memories; 

4\. Teal'c has to save the team and carry at least one of them home. 

  

The story is limited to 50 pages and should be submitted to us before the first of March. The winner, the writer with the most original, challenging story will be invited to the SGC for a meeting with the members of SG-1 in person AND will be offered the opportunity to accompany SG-1 on a routine mission to a specially selected planet. 

Last but not least: since Showtime has contacted the SGC to make a television show based on the Stargate and the negotiations are near completion; the winner's story will also be presented to Showtime as the first mission to be recorded. 

Please send you submissions (Word, Wordperfect, RTF or plain text) to:  


[CONTEST_SG-1@SGC.COM](mailto:CONTEST_SG-1@SGC.COM)

GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL!!! 

><><><><><><><><><

Colonel Jack O'Neill walked through the corridors of the SGC, heading to the control room. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and his mind was wandering off to the last briefing. Stepping into the control room, he saw Carter behind one of the main computers, fingers on the keyboard, with Daniel and Teal'c seated behind her. 

"Is it working, Major?" he asked. 

Sam nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, Sir. The contest is already being discussed on several mailing lists and message forums. The fans are very excited about it. I've been following some live chats and the contest was THE subject." 

Jack grabbed a chair, drew it closer to his friends and sat on it, backwards, his arms leaning on the back. 

Daniel was sipping from a large mug of coffee, while looking over Sam's shoulder at the screen. 

"I wonder what they'll come up with this time," he said, "they have such evil minds." 

Sam smiled briefly. "Isn't that why we decided to do this? Hopefully no-one is going to write some shipper-stuff, I hate that." 

Jack looked disappointed. "Oh, come on, Sam. You must admit that we make an excellent couple." 

"Yeah, right. like the beauty and the beast, Sir?" She ducked immediately, as the Colonel threw a coffee-spoon at her. 

Teal'c frowned. "I'm not familiar with the word shipper." 

"That's a word they invented for fans who'd like to see Jack and Sam involved, as in a relationship," Daniel explained. 

"I see." 

"One thing's for sure, I like that better than slash," Daniel sighed. 

Teal'c lifted another brow. "Slash? These humans write stories about cutting or beatings too?" 

Sam chuckled softly, pressing one hand in front of her mouth. "No, Teal'c. Slash in this case means a relationship between two people of the same sex. Like the Colonel having a relationship with Daniel, that is another favorite subject." 

Jack pulled a face, pointing at the younger man. "Right. As if I would like to get involved with him." 

Daniel pretended to be offended. "Why? What's wrong with me?" Eyeing his friend, he seemed to be looking for a straight answer. 

Jack shrugged. "Well," he started, "you're . " he helplessly threw his hands in the air, "a man?" 

Daniel nodded. "Last time I looked, I was. Anyway, guys, who do you think stands the best chance? " 

Sam thought it over for a second. "Mmm, maybe Chrisbod. She writes some pretty good stories." 

Daniel shook his head. "No. She won't get them finished before the first of March. At least not the first of March of this year." 

Jack agreed. "True. The Badger? She writes a couple of stories a week." 

Teal'c frowned. "She does tend to concentrate on your person, O'Neill. I do not think she can come up with a story involving us." 

Daniel's face lightened up. "Yum@. She writes excellent plots!" 

This time, Sam disagreed. "Yeah, but she won't be able to do so within the limit of 50 pages. Have you seen her last fic? I'm pretty sure it contained more than 350 pages. I mean; if Showtime has to record that, it would become a four-hour movie or so." 

"Karamel?" Daniel opted, shaking his head when he thought about it more seriously, "nah, she can't win with a TBC." 

"It would work for Europe," Jack suggested. As he noticed the others looking puzzled, he explained, "hey, in Europe they air the cliffhangers of a season without ever airing the opening of the next season." 

Daniel laughed out loud. "That is SO true, they won't know the difference." 

"Tanya has got to win. She has a pretty good chance," Jack figured. 

"You would like that, wouldn't you, Sir? She seems to have it out for you, right?" 

Jack shivered. "She always finds some evil ways to harm me. if I ever get my hands on her." 

Sam giggled. "Glad I'm not in her shoes then, Sir." 

Jack glanced at his watch, regretting he had to end their conversation and clapped his hands together. "Sorry to spoil the fun, kids, but we do have another mission to accomplish. Let's get ready, we're gating out in two and a half hours." 

Sam closed the connection with the Internet and got up, the rest of the team following her to the lockers to get ready for their next mission. 

><><><><><><><><><><

The response to the contest was enormous. Over a thousand stories were submitted and it took the personnel of the SGC three weeks to make a first selection on ten possible winners. Everybody joined in on the reading, from the Stargate technicians to the doctors and nurses of the infirmary, from the main entrance guards to General Hammond himself. 

Every famous and non-famous writer had submitted a fic, which once again stated the success of the contest. Fanfic writers were obviously anxious to meet SG-1 in person and to be going on a mission with them. Fics varying from five to fifty pages, with all kinds of possible scenarios. PHO, Jmas, Dtervo, Skydiver, Cat'sPray, Stouse, OzKaren; they all had given it their best shot. 

With finally ten runner-ups left, the team gathered in the briefing room for the final decision. Debating for two hours, reading through the possible stories over and over again, the team and General Hammond finally came up with one name. The writer of this story had put a lot of effort in horribly hurting all the SG-1 team members, with some nasty plot to go with it. It was definitely the most original story they'd ever read. It was also a new fanfic writer, this submitted story being her very first fanfic ever. 

Sam was ordered to announce the name of the winner on the Internet. The disappointment of all the other fanfic writers was huge; all their dreams about meeting their stars shattered and their hopes of ever stepping through the Stargate vanished. The contest once more was the main topic in chats, on mailing lists and forums. Only this time the writers discussed the contest to express their frustration, not only because they hadn't won the contest, but also that an unknown new fanfic writer had managed to submit a better story than all of them. 

><><><><><><><><><><

General Hammond glanced at the four members of his first off-world exploration team around the table. The decision they had made was a serious one and he had to make sure, they all stood one hundred percent behind it. 

"Okay, people, are we sure about this?" 

The four people nodded in agreement. The two militaries confirmed their statement with a firm, "Yes, Sir." 

"All right," Hammond summed, "we are going through with this. What time does the winner or the contest arrive?" 

"At 1400, Sir." Sam said, looking at her watch. 

"Okay, people. Let's get this over with. Have a nice talk with the lady, and then have her ready to gate out to PDQ-911. Major, is the MALP ready too?" 

Sam nodded affirmatively. "Yes, Sir. Ready to go." 

The General gathered his papers and got up. "I'll meet you all up in the Control room then. Dismissed." 

><><><><><><><><><><

The winner of the contest stood at the base of the ramp, looking stunned at the huge metal ring. Reading about it was a whole lot of different than actually standing in front of it, she thought. 

Staring at Major Carter, who was adjusting something on the robot, she knew they called the MALP, she thought back at her meeting with the four members of SG-1. They were exactly how she had expected them to be. The Colonel was the one with the smart remarks, Major Carter had immediately tried to explain some details of her story scientifically, Dr. Jackson had been discussing relationships with her and mister Teal'c had just sat there, with a stoic expression over his face. 

She was going to step through that Stargate as the first civilian ever; well Dr. Jackson excepted. She just couldn't believe her luck. Excited as she was, she was also a little bit nervous. Would it be a bad ride? Something similar to a rollercoaster? Hopefully she wouldn't get sick. She wouldn't make much of an impression on those tough personalities if she puked all over their shoes. Jeez, that would be embarrassing. 

The team had told her that it was a simple mission, they'd lost another UAV and they were to retrieve it and bring it back. A piece of cake. She would love to see the UAV, she could describe it even better in one of her next fics and she knew already what it was going to be about. Another simple mission, retrieving an UAV, going terribly wrong. She couldn't wait to sit down behind her computer. 

First things first. Dr. Daniel Jackson walked up next to her. 

"Nervous?" he asked kindly. 

"Yeah, a little," she admitted. 

He took her hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly. "You're going to be all right. It's easy, we do it every day, you'll see."  
  
He really was as nice as she had figured.  
  
The voice of General Hammond was heard over the intercom. He addressed her.  
  
"Miss, are you sure you want to volunteer for this mission?" he asked.  
  
She nodded firmly. She wanted to experience this more than anything, nervous or not.  
  
"Okay, SG-1, you have a go. Major, send the MALP through first."  
  
She watched how the huge ring started turning, locking the symbols and was only vaguely aware of the voice over the intercom, reporting the chevrons locked. Her mouth fell wide open, as she saw the wormhole engage, looking as some blue liquid, squirming and bubbling.    
  
The MALP rolled forward. Dr. Jackson took her by the hand and walked up the ramp with her, Colonel O'Neill, Teal'c and Major Carter close behind. Her breathing rapid, eyes wide and her legs trembling slightly, she knew it was all about to happen now. This was what every single fanfic writer had dreamed about and she was the lucky one; her dream was about to come true.  
  
She stopped in front of the liquid, doubting for a second and glanced at the archaeologist next to her. He gave her an encouraging smile, and then slightly pushed her in the back and she stumbled into the wormhole..  
  
><><><><><><><><><><  
  
SG-1 turned on their heels and sprinted towards the Control room. The Lieutenant was already receiving the first images of the MALP, from PDQ-911. They could all see the pink liquid that covered the floor on the planet. Since they hadn't been able to determine its origin, nor to predict the impact the liquid would have on a human body, they were anxious to see what would happen.  
  
The MALP showed how the fanfic writer stumbled out of the wormhole, dropped into the slick liquid and they all watched in horror as she was consumed by it, apparently screaming out loud the whole time.  
  
Jack pulled a face. "Damn. Glad SHE volunteered for the job."  
  
Daniel looked away. "I would have had a terrible allergic reaction on that planet, I know it."  
  
Sam kept her eyes glued to the screen, attempting to scientifically analyze the process. "Look at that stuff. Look how it eats through her skin. What kind of substance would that be? It must be pretty acidic, I think. Teal'c frowned. "I have never encountered anything like that." 

It was General Hammond, who finally ordered the connection closed. 

"Okay, people. Erase this planet from the computer program. I'll have NID covering this up. Colonel, make sure this lady gets a nice memorial service. Congratulations, people, we've accomplished two things today. We didn't lose a team out there and we saved the world from at least one evil fanfic writer." 

FIN.   


* * *

>   
> © January 19, 2001  
> The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

  


* * *

##### This story is written for amusement only and I in no way had the intention to offend anyone. I'm a big fan of fanfiction and I have respect for everybody who has the courage to write and publish a fic. So please don't be offended by my using your name (or NOT using, can't name them all!). Just sit back and enjoy! One more remark. I've looked this up in my dictionary. PDQ means 'pretty damn quick'. Just in case you didn't get the picture. 

* * *

  


_http://www.stargatefan.com_


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